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Is the person you are with a good match for you? There is nothing wrong with wondering whether you made or are making the right choice when choosing a dream partner. It is easy to overlook certain things simply because you fear starting over. However, you cannot build a long-term relationship by overlooking certain things that might come back to hurt your relationship later. Here are four reflective questions to consider:
1. Do We Share the Same Life Goals?
There are many things you may want in your life for the present and the future. Whether it is about kids, marriage, home location, career, or any other, you need to be on the same page. Although compromise is an option, it is never a good idea to assume that somehow, your partner will have a change of heart with time. They may want to make you happy, but that may not be at the expense of their career or their dream home. It feels challenging to end a relationship due to fundamental incompatibility, but then a relationship that survives on the hope that one person will give up on something may not last long.
Your money goals can be a deal-breaker. If you have different goals; where one is a spendthrift and the other is a penny pincher, it pays if you sit and agree on what should happen to your money. It is never early to talk about goals.
2. Are Your Views About Religion Matching?
It takes more than having a stable career to find your dream partner. It is possible to make your relationship work even if you have different religious views. However, you have to be on the same page about each other’s religion. You have to agree to respect each other’s religion. If you plan to have kids, you need to have an honest discussion about what will happen to them.
Religion can affect how the family of your partner treats you and how your family sees your partner. You may become BFFs with the members of all families even when the religious views are different. However, this is not always the case. You both have to feel comfortable being with each other and around each other’s family and friends.
3. Do You Share the Same Interests?
What do you love doing in your free time? Will your partner spend quality time with you or do they have different interests? Most people end up finding a partner through a shared interest. Having a common interest, hobby, or passion can help you find your dream partner. Although you do not have to be on the same page on every little thing, you need to have some shared interests. These interests connect you over time. If you do not share interests, you have to be ready to explore your interests separately. Being independent in a relationship is a healthy thing. You should have enough “me time” without feeling guilty and without your partner feeling like you are resentful.
You need to be able to laugh with your partner whether when you are exploring your interests or when you have the same things that make you laugh. Being able to make your partner laugh and laugh together with your partner about the same things is key to keeping your relationship healthy and long-lasting.
4. What Do You Value in a Relationship?
Do you feel the pressure to impress your partner? Do you have to hide who you are just to sustain the relationship? If you ever have to suppress your character just to keep the relationship going, then you are headed in the wrong direction. A relationship that adds value to you makes you the best version of yourself without suppressing your true self.
Value is subjective. We all want different things in a relationship. You may be looking for intimacy, fun, adventure, stability, and a feeling of safety. If the relationship offers you whatever you need, then you are deriving value. If you ever have to ask yourself what you are doing in a relationship, then perhaps you are not deriving the value that you hoped for. There is no fun in starting over, but there is no fun in holding onto a relationship that stifles your personal, spiritual, or financial growth either. The earlier you realize that a relationship is not a match for you, the earlier you can start over and build a relationship that meets your needs.